The past 6 months have flown by, and until the beginning of last week, I had thought nothing had happened in this year, I was wrong, in this year I became a different person, and through the last week I've been reeling to get my personality back.

Somehow in the last 6 months I became delusional, I saw my dream of Telamenta flying nicely, the work I was doing for Cycan was high level, complex and intricate, and my name seems to be ploughing through what I considered influential social circles. I was hanging out with "The cool crowd" of entrepreneurs in the South African scene, and somehow I decided that I was cool by proxy. Acceptance has always been a bit of an issue for me, standing off to the outside is my default mode of behaviour, separating myself somewhat from the inner circle of black leather jackets, and suddenly being accepted into this was seductive, intoxicating, addictive, and I lost myself. I deluded myself into thinking that the entrepreneurial rockstar lifestyle was sustainable, hell I deluded myself into thinking it was something I wanted.

Here I sit, on a Sunday morning, about to go off to a family lunch for my aunt's birthday, trying to find the person I was before the parties, before the cool, trying to remember what it was that the T-Bird's originally saw in me, before I came one myself. It was the fact that I was real, for a long time integrity was all that I had, I was down to earth, prepared to do the work, prepared to put in the extra hours (all day, all night, all weekend) and prepared to help, listen and support.

I've been reading Joseph Jaworski's "Synchronicity: the inner path of leadership" noticing patterns, and pulling out the deeper importance. Life is about relationships, deep and meaningful ones, it's about stories and people, relatedness, not things or fulfilling childish needs for the acceptance of the world.

I have moved from my worldview that the entrepreneur is a rockstar, where the pay off is superficial adoration from the thousands that have no idea who you are. Entrepreneurialism is about serving, creating something better, doing something better, or developing your community for your community, not for yourself but for the liberation, freedom and betterment of those around you, selflessly.

I don't pretend for a second that my new view is going to be easy, or that the behaviours are simple ones to change, but the pay off is bigger and the game itself is more fulfilling.

Panta rhei - Everything flows